New Years Resolutions!

So today me & my boyfriend sat down and wrote our list of resolutions for the new year! I always make impossible resolutions like 'stop eating junk food' and 'visit lots of new countries'. Alas this year mine are a tad more realistic and hopefully because I've written them on here I'll have to fulfill them!

• To get 2:1s in all my assessments at University - it's my final year of my degree, and I did really well last year, all I want is a 2:1. I think everyone would love a 1st, but the probability of achieving that grade in every assessment is difficult. I get panic attacks when I put myself under pressure, such as time frames, so considering I've achieved lots of 2:1s in my degree I think it's a much more achievable task :)

• Re-learn an instrument - I've kept my flute in storage for the last few years. It always seems to be the case, that we learn to play an instrument out of excitement, and after years of rehearsal and pressure, it becomes more of a chore. So me & Russ both decided to re-learn an instrument this year, for me it's the flute! I learnt to about grade 6 level and then got fed up, Russ wants to re-learn the piano, as he was apparently quite the maestro when he was young.

• Learn Japanese - I have no idea why but I really want to learn Japanese! I've already started learning the basic key words! So I'm well on my way, there's a few great apps out there that allow you to learn the basics for free, and then teach you more complicated phrases for about £2.99 :) Very excited!

• Get Healthy - I want to make sure that I make an effort to go to the gym at least 3 times a week! Its always difficult getting myself to go in the first place, but I think 3 times a week is a do-able amount! I have put on about 30-40 pounds since I moved to university! I used to be a size 6-8 and now I'm a 12, just abouts, I'm probably bordering on a 14. I hide it very well with baggy clothes, but because I'm only 5ft 1, I can really notice it on myself. So as my boyfriend is trying to get healthier this year, I'm going to join his bandwagon & healthy it up too! Hopefully he'll do all the cooking and I can just enjoy :)

• Read 2 books a month - I love reading! I find it so relaxing and therapeutic to sit down and spend 2 hours to read an interesting story. So one of my resolutions is to read a book every two weeks. I am a very fast reader, so once I set my mind to it, I can read a book in a day so I think this is quite achievable :). This also links into a sub-resolution of mine - which is to to switch off all electronic equipment an hour before bed. This is meant to help your brain to relax, we're constantly overloading ourselves with digital information. So leaving an hour of our time before we go to sleep to relax and read a good ol' book, really helps us to relax. It's also meant to help you sleep better! Which is something I desperately need :)

•  Go to America - I myself have already been to America a few times, to New York & Florida with my family, yet my boyfriend has never been! Which surprised me, so we have decided that this summer for my 21st birthday we will go to Florida with my family and spend a nice two weeks of peace and re-laxation!

• Try new food - This is my last resolution on a long list! I have always been a very picky eater. I grew up with a very silly phobia of fruit, to this day I still have never eaten any type of fruit, which is something my boyfriend's family find hard to accept haha! I eat lots of vegetables and drink fruit juice but I don't like to vary my diet. I get very scared to try new things, but my boyfriend's mother is from the Mediterranean and she cannot believe the number of things I don't eat. So slowly but surely we're going to be attempting to introduce new food to my diet! Terrified!


And that's all my resolutions! Quite a few I know, but I'm very excited to make these new changes! My main resolution last year was to take up a new hobby, which I actually kind of succeeded in, knitting! Very granny like I know, but I've began making a patchwork quilt! Its still at the early stages because even committed knitters take months to complete a quilt but I'm optimistic and very excited for the completed product :) Happy new year everyone! Unfortunately, new years is always a let down for me except for last year that my boyfriend surprised me with a weekend away in the country! But now we have the puppies, they don't like the sound of fireworks so we have to stay home with them! So for us tonight is movie night, with a nice romantic meal and lots of snuggles till midnight.

Lots of love,
Lola Elizabeth
xoxo

Christmas Snaps

Awkward.... We were terrible this year and forgot to take photos all day on Christmas! My camera has had no battery for months because I lost my charger & Russ' camera looks like it's from the 19th century!

But here's a couple of snaps we took just before Christmas for our 'Christmas cards'! It's quite difficult to get puppies to sit still next to each other, so we couldn't get a family photo, so we had two 'master & puppy' piccies!

Merry Christmas to all & to all a good night!!

Hectic Christmas!!

Phew! Christmas & Boxing Day are over - now time for playing with presents ahh!

This year, is the first year my boyfriend and I are spending Christmas together, so we had the difficult task of travelling to both families & having two Christmases in one day - Tiring is the only word to describe this experience!

I did a 9 am - 6pm shift on Christmas Eve & then my boyfriend picked me up with the car all packed ready for our little adventure! We had a lovely evening with my Mama but I was very tired and ended up going to bed at 10pm! This week at work has been hellish, so many crazy shoppers & I caught that virus thats been going around - not fun times! Christmas morning was amazing, we took turns opening presents between the three of us whilst all the dogs enjoyed their christmas bones! This was the first Christmas I have earned enough to buy lots of quality presents opposed to just one good one for my mum, which she was quite surprised about. Half way through the morning my mum got sad because my brother chose to spend Christmas day with his dad & little brothers, which is fair enough, we've had him for 20 Christmases, it's their turn :)! So we cheered her up with pancakes for breakfast! Then we all got ready to go to Christmas lunch with my grandparents. I got them a camera for Christmas which was quite hilarious actually, when trying to take her first picture my nan took one of the ceiling her hands were moving so much. She said 'oh that's lovely anyway!' bless her! Unfortunately, my grandparents had to have their dog put to sleep the week before Christmas, he was 12 and had started to get very aggressive towards them and everyone he met. They were very depressed about it, and sadly my brother did not receive the memo, and he bought them a dog door stop that was grey like Max, their pooch. As you can tell our Christmases are quite bitter sweet & full of awkward moments!

Christmas lunch was amazinggggg! I had Stilton & Broccoli soup, followed by Roast Beef with all the trimmings and finally White Chocolate & Rum Creme Brule - Delicious. My nan kept finishing off everyones - closet alcoholic much. We had two hours of lunch and me & Russell had to set off very quickly to make our long journey down to Windsor to see his family. We got there after an hour & a half, and had our second round of present swapping! And our second Christmas Dinner... where I had tomato and Basil soup followed by Beef & Turkey with all the trimmings. An amazing addition was little pigs in blankets with cheese. OH MY LORD. Little bites of heaven! After that I had a major food baby, was bordering on a food coma and needed a nap - but I was told I was not allowed one, sadness! The evening continued with lots of board games, drinks and laughter. Unfortunately Russ was up all night with food poisoning, I felt terrible because apparently I slept through the whole thing & his mum had to look after him - whoopsy!


Hope all your Christmas days were magical & you enjoyed your day!!

About me?

"Hey there friends! My name is Lauren, some call me Lola & I thought instead of writing about myself I'd fill in the 'About Me Tag' :)! Hope you enjoy!"

1. Do you have a middle name?
Yes I do :) My middle name is Elizabeth, and my confirmation name is Maria, for all the Catholic homies out there!

2. What was your favourite subject in school?
Psychology, which I now study at university! Sadly in school, my teacher was awful, just read from the textbook in every class snore! 
3. What's your favourite drink?
Diet Coke & Rekorderlig Strawberry & Lime when I fancy an alcoholic beverage!

4. What's your favourite song at the moment?

It's a tie between Taylor Swift - I knew you were trouble & Katy Perry - Wide Awake! Both make me throw a major dance party. 

5. What would you name your children?
Me & my boyfriend have already decided; for girls - Sophia & Amelia, and for a boy - Peter after my papa :)

6. Do you participate in any sports?
I used to play netball but it was too clicky! But I want to learn ballet if that's a sport? 

7. What's your favourite book?
Currently the Song of Fire & Ice series, they are absolutely immense. I'm on the 4th and my boyfriend has bought me the rest for Christmas - SO EXCITED! 

8. What's your favourite colour?
Rose Pink!

9. What's your favourite animal?
Snow Leopard or Puppies!

10. What's your favourite perfume?

Miss Dior Cherie

11. What;s your favourite holiday?
Christmas! It's such a magical time :) I get excited mid-November, sad. 

12. Have you graduated from High School?
Yes! I graduated in 2010 & I'm now in my 3rd year at University.

13. Have you been out of the country?
Yes! I've been quite lucky, I've been to France, Germany, Spain, Italy, USA - Florida & New York. I can't remember where else :)

14. Do you speak any other languages?
Nope unfortunately! I studied French at School, but my new years resolution is to learn Japanese! 

15. Do you have any siblings?
Yes, I have a brother called Nico who is 3 years older than me! 

16. What's your favourite store?
H&M or Topshop

Online - Missguided

17. What's your favourite restaurant?
T.G.I Fridays

18. Do you like school?
I like the idea of school & buying school supplies! I'm always optimistic at the beginning of the week before lectures start! 

19. Who are some of your favourite YouTubers?
A combination of JennaMarbles, MichellePhan & Allthatglitters21.
British youtubers like gossmakeupartist & zoella are awesome too! 


20. What's your favourite movie?
Harry Potter/Black Swan/Horrible Bosses/Kill Bill to name a few! 

21. What are some of your favourite TV shows?
Grey's Anatomy, Bones, How I met Your Mother, Criminal Minds etc! 

22. PC or Mac?
I have a macbook :) which I've only had for a year or so & it's broken twice, not very impressed! So I'm considering getting a desktop touchscreen computer so I don't have to use my macbook as much! 

23. What phone do you have?
I have an iphone 4s which I loves!

24. How tall are you?
I am very little, 5"1 :) 

25. Any pets? 
I have two puppies! Ella is 9 months old & a Carpathian Shepherd Dog, and Lincoln is 7 months old & is a German Shepherd/Labrador cross :) they are the light of my life! 

Thanking you muchos,

Lola Elizabeth

My Significant Loss

"I was recently inspired by a few videos that I saw on youtube regarding anxiety & depression. I lost my dad when I was 12 and have suffered with depression and panic attacks ever since. Now that I'm 20, I have made some massive changes in my life and seeing those girls speaking about their own experiences & how they changed their lives around really struck a chord with me.

When I found out my dad had passed, I was on holiday in Greece. My grandma rang to tell my mum, who then told me. I ran away for hours, just crying by myself. As a result of my loss, I suffered memory loss, my psychiatrist explained it was a defence mechanism. My brain basically put a wall up between my conscious and memories relating to my dad. Unfortunately, when I was going through the dark periods of my childhood, there was no-one around who had been through anything similar or who had any idea how to support me. My mum was on her own - had no idea how to comfort me. My brother had moved out & rarely checked back in with us. None of my friends even seemed to notice that losing a parent would affect me. The teachers at my school provided me with no support just a 'we're sorry for your loss', one teacher even asked me in front of a class how I felt reading poems about fathers considering I'd lost mine. I felt so lost, alone and constantly in pain. I felt my counsellors were just going through 'the steps' and asking me to do stupid things - for example - one session involved pouring different colour sand into a jar to represent my father.... instead of actually talking to me about my feelings and allowing me to vent.

So I closed myself off for a very long time, .and if anyone has been through something similar, you may know that this is the worst thing you can do. Being alone with your emptiness and the anger you feel could never be positive, and it resulted in me taking my aggression out on myself. Once again my psychiatrist explained that I had put up defences to protect myself remembering the pain and sadness I felt, I made myself numb to it, unless there was a trigger. For example, seeing something that reminded me of one of my few memories, anyone mentioning my father, people talking about their fathers. It sounds very obvious, but when you've been through a loss, no-one really mentions the F word, just incase, so when they would, the gates came down, the tears flooded and the violence began. I would become hysterical, all the pain would appear at once and it would be unstoppable for hours. When I was about 17, I think I finally went through the grieving period. I allowed myself to cry for days and visit my dad's grave which I had only done once previously. I finally asked my family what had happened the day that we lost him and why he was taken from us? - Something I had never been told.

I finally got closure, and I'm not saying that I was 'healed', but it definitely helped me to get rid of some of that anger, and allowed me to put myself back together, one piece at a time. Three years on, I wouldn't say that I am completely over my loss, I do not think I ever will be. It is like a part of you in constantly missing, there's a hole in your heart that can never be filled. Every time you walk past a card shop around Fathers Day your heart aches, and every Christmas and Birthday is never a truly happy day because you always remember there's someone missing. It's important to always remember, I have to make him proud, every day I have to do something worth while that would make him think 'that's my girl'. It always hurts to think that my dad will never walk me down the aisle and that my children won't ever know their grandpa. Every day is a struggle, but I think I've reached a point in my journey where I use my dad as inspiration and as a source of strength. Make the most out of what I have, create the best chances I can for my future & cherish all the memories I have of the past."

I know this has been a very long & heavy post, but I wanted it to be the first thing I post about. I feel very relieved to have written my feelings down & I hope it helps someone somewhere. Everything else will be much more uplifting, promise!

Thank you for reading,
Lola Elizabeth